And I say "what I was told was happening" because I really, really don't know what's going on here. People who already knew the plot had to tell me. The subtitles are seriously that bad. Occasionally you can get what it's supposed to mean, but it's often totally incoherent.
So studyofrunning and I set out to make as much sense of this as possible.
They didn't even get the names right.
They kept talking about something called "the LEE". We have no idea what that's supposed to be. But those are pretty much the only capital letters in the entire thing, except for an "I" here and there. And the Azrael.
We're pretty sure the silk is the Death Note, though they do call it that a few times towards the end.
They kept saying "dragon." Eventually I figured out that that was L. The only reason I gathered that much was that one line about him is "he call the dragon," which I figure could be a bastardization of "he is called dragon." This is when I began to figure out the rest of the names. This is when I realized that Misa was sea sand/sea private and Light was month. (No capitalization because there isn't any in the subtitles.) This theory (at least the sea sand/sea private and month theory) was shortly proven by this line:
(To be fair, they did call L by his name a few times toward the end.)
Later, we figured out that the Azrael (the only other capitalized word) were the Shinigami. Which actually kind of makes sense, but is invalidated by the fact that Ryuk was "road gram." No, really.
There is something or someone called "high vegetable." I have no idea who/what that is.
It makes me wonder about the translator. studyofrunning suggested that it was someone who spoke neither English nor Japanese, and knew nothing about Death Note. And that's probably true. But we do know for sure that whoever did it is a fan of Potter Puppet Pals:
And possibly Sesame Street:
And that the
And this isn't a translation thing; I just wanted a gif of someone sobbing because someone stuck their tongue out at them:
And sometimes, even when you know what it's trying to say, it's still just as hilarious.